diary of a breakup deel 1

Mitz: Hoop jy voel beter vandag… dink aan jou! lovies mitzi
I: Baie beter :-), het besluit ek het tyd en afstand nodig – bietjie dink wat EK wil hê. Baie dankie vir gister x
Mitz: Ja-nee nou kom jy reg… goodluck met als…beste besluit wat jy kan vat girl!!

I: Hi, N sê hy dink ook ons het ‘n time out nodig. Ek wens hy wil bietjie dink oor OF hy my in sy lewe wil hê, en wat hy sal doen om my te hou – soos ‘n bietjie consideration
Mitz: Girl ek se only time wil tell… vat jou space… rem, if u love somtng..let it go.. if it comes bk.. its urs.. if it dsnt..it neva was!

I: How’s life? Anything interesting happen today?
N: Hey you! Just watched Half Nelson with Pete. Actually better second time around. Lol. Also finished your muffins off (didn’t give Pete any). Other than that: same old, same old. U?
I: Nothing much happening here, quiet day. Sleep tight x
N: Nite nite.x

I: Exotic news! Publishers want a writer’s bio & pic of me – definite possibility of getting published :-). Just wanted to share that with you
N: Great news, I would say :-) Thanks for sharing that and I will be holding thumbs this side.
N: Sweet dreams. x
I: Ditto x

(later):
I: I miss you a little, sometimes. The distance is good, though.
N: I guess so…
I: Too much distance? Too little?
N: It’s not a distance thing, sis. We both know that. Stakes go too high, patience runs out, priorities change, who knows? Who cares? Just trying to make sense of the joke we call our lives, right? Right?
I: Right now I have my own priorities and the stakes – for me, at least – are way down. Just wish you could have found a kinder way to get the message across. But I learned.
N: That was the “kind” version. I used “we”, not me and you.
I: Was actually referring to Panarottis. And wondering: am I still involved in your life, and to what extent? Do “we’ have plans to do tefl teaching together?
N: U ask this with a sms?
I: You’re not here.
N: Are you being serious now?
I: Just need to know where (and if) I fit in.
N: That I understand. What I don’t get is why you’re bringing this up now and in this way.
I: Face to face is awkward for me, might get emotional = extra pressure. I’m enjoying tefl classes, think I might be good at teaching, but don’t want to go over alone. And started this evening a little ;-), but the conversation mutated into death & potatoes, as usual. Sorry about that.
N: Talk later
I: Ok
N: What are your travelling arangements tomorrow?
I: Assume you pick me up at home, after 5?

(na ‘n agonising trip Potch toe en terug, doodse stilte, atmosféér…)
I: I guess if we were going to talk, we would have – so I have my answer
N: Me too

I: The questions were asked last night, all you needed to do was tell me what you wanted. Still strange: that we could go from being lovers and (I thought) friends, to less than acquantainces, in the blink of an eye. Don’t quite know how that happened.
N: I saw you walk away 2 weeks ago. And I don’t take rejection well. In my book, no news is bad news. What little news I got, when I got it, was hurtful. Still is.
I: I needed a little space to clear my head, get perspective. The intention was never to hurt you and it wasn’t rejection. I still need you. I was willing to go anywhere with you but what’s the point if you don’t want/need me? Last week we talked about giving each other space and I thought ok, back off. Since then you’ve basically ignored me. What do you want from me?
N: I am going to sleep on that one. Good night.

(volgende dag):
N: A “little space” is cool. Pick you up at 5.15pm?

And they lived happily every after - for a while.