Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
noue ontkomings
DISASTER (in a word). Watched the movie, drank the wine, ate the food..... started kissing - and then he told me in so many words that he wanted to make love to me. Kept saying: "Damn, you really need to get laid, girl" and: "Has it really been that long?" (if you say yes, we will go upstairs and I will do you). Didn't have condoms, but had some story about playing outside the rules of church and state (the reason why he doesn't stop at stop streets, he says) - and even when I said I intended to remain celibate until the divorce was finalised, didn't want to budge. Isn't coming back - says that by my choice I've lost him for good.
To clarify: he says "The lady decides if and when, and the gentleman decides where and how". I made my decision once (no) so that's it. Subject closed.
Damn, he's a good kisser - but not the only one on the planet.
Tisha went out with Gerhardt & Anthony, says they wanted to go to Potch, do I want to come along? I want to get into bed with the remains of that famous bottle of red, so it looks like they're coming here instead, which is cool. Would be ironic if I took Anthony to bed instead, but that would be playing by N's paradigm, so I won't. That, and the fact that he's years younger than I am. And I am not in the mood for games. Or morning-after regrets.
Maybe I should have taken N up on his one-time offer.
Or not.
I am, after all, my father's daughter.
Keep thinking about the morning after. I guess I am constrained by the rules of society - but in the sense of John Locke's social contract. There is a reason for these rules. Beyond that - if he says I cling to the rules, he disregards that I might have my own reasons for doing so. He feels redundant, has achieved everything, is jaded and tired and disillusioned. Dangerous. Dangerous to me (and he admits it freely). Nihilistic view of life. I don't know why he bothers to get up in the morning if he feels that way. He dances on the edge of a blade and will be unsurprised if it cuts him in two. That is sad.
The last thing I said to him: "I hope you find what you're looking for - before it finds you."
He wished me well.
To clarify: he says "The lady decides if and when, and the gentleman decides where and how". I made my decision once (no) so that's it. Subject closed.
Damn, he's a good kisser - but not the only one on the planet.
Tisha went out with Gerhardt & Anthony, says they wanted to go to Potch, do I want to come along? I want to get into bed with the remains of that famous bottle of red, so it looks like they're coming here instead, which is cool. Would be ironic if I took Anthony to bed instead, but that would be playing by N's paradigm, so I won't. That, and the fact that he's years younger than I am. And I am not in the mood for games. Or morning-after regrets.
Maybe I should have taken N up on his one-time offer.
Or not.
I am, after all, my father's daughter.
Keep thinking about the morning after. I guess I am constrained by the rules of society - but in the sense of John Locke's social contract. There is a reason for these rules. Beyond that - if he says I cling to the rules, he disregards that I might have my own reasons for doing so. He feels redundant, has achieved everything, is jaded and tired and disillusioned. Dangerous. Dangerous to me (and he admits it freely). Nihilistic view of life. I don't know why he bothers to get up in the morning if he feels that way. He dances on the edge of a blade and will be unsurprised if it cuts him in two. That is sad.
The last thing I said to him: "I hope you find what you're looking for - before it finds you."
He wished me well.
Monday, February 19, 2007
verlore
isabel se maatjie gaan haar verlaat - wegvlieg soos 'n migrerende voël wanneer die seisoen van haar lewe verander. maar dis okay. isabel sal dit ook oorleef. haar maatjie moet haar vlerke sprei, grootword op 'n ander plek. ousus het alles gedoen wat sy kan, en sy vertrou dat alles oukei gaan wees.
maar sy gaan haar mis!
isabel ontmoet deesdae mans: baie. oor die internet, nogal. sy het 'n profile op 'n webwerf geskep en 'n hele paar mans was al geïnteresseerd genoeg om vir haar te skryf. sy het 'n genie ontmoet, maar is bang dat hy nie in haar sal belangstel nie (sy is, na alles, heeltemal TE regterbreindominant vir hom...). 'n ander ou wat belowend gelyk het, het nie 'n subskripsie nie. nog 'n ander een wou haar bekeer - en die here weet, dis heeltemal te laat vir daai een.
maar sy gaan haar mis!
isabel ontmoet deesdae mans: baie. oor die internet, nogal. sy het 'n profile op 'n webwerf geskep en 'n hele paar mans was al geïnteresseerd genoeg om vir haar te skryf. sy het 'n genie ontmoet, maar is bang dat hy nie in haar sal belangstel nie (sy is, na alles, heeltemal TE regterbreindominant vir hom...). 'n ander ou wat belowend gelyk het, het nie 'n subskripsie nie. nog 'n ander een wou haar bekeer - en die here weet, dis heeltemal te laat vir daai een.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
hel
te hel met depressie, ek GENIET my lewe vir 'n verandering. JP het vandag gebel en my 'n happy Valentine's day gewens - en dis oukei. Hy's amper sestig (of dalk al sestig) maar ten minste het hy gebel. ten minste het IEMAND gebel. en die meisietjie langsaan het vir my en Tish elk 'n handgeskrewe 'ek hoop tanie voel spishaal van walintynsdag'-kaartjie kom gee. ander-ek skryf sy kom kuier in maart, haar sussie in die UK kom vir die volgende twee weke kuier. ensovoorts. nice day.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
life is looking up
Ek is nou al 'n maand hier op die nuwe plek - en kan nog steeds nie glo ek bly en werk so lekker nie! Voel asof daar 'n nuwe wind deur my lewe waai, asof alles beter gaan. Ek is bang dis die "upside" van die siklus, dat ek binnekort weer deur 'n donkermaan beweeg.....
Depressie is gevaarlik.
Depressie is gevaarlik.
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